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No Laughing zone..........

 

 Wash Basin

Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him,
"Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the Sardar replies,
"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,   'Wash Basin' ".

Donkey

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "
Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
 

Application form

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
 

zerox

One sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one.Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun arn't
 

suggestions

While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board.
It reads:
Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.
Sardar writes under
Let the men Permit to Enter
 

Differenciate

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

indicator

Sardar Garbhajan Singh went for hunting in a thick forest. He did not even find an animal. He is in his jeep. All of sudden one Lion jumped from a bush. Sardar frightened forgot to shoot, start the jeep and accelerate it fast to save himself. But the Lion is just behind him full speed. Ahead a junction the road divides and goes to two sides, Garbajen looked through the mirror the lion is just behind. He has an idea and saved his life. Do you know what he did?? He flashed the left indicator of the jeep on approaching the junction and turn to right.

GAMBLElING

GAMBLES Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." " But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

speak only in English

Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'

strange socks

Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and the other one is blue with red spots! Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

MOSQUITO!

Santa: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY? Banta: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!

The 4th child

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4thperson born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

Train crash

There was a train crash train de railed and a number of people were died. Sardar Banta was the driver. He has been asked by the equerry committee how the train de-railed Banta replied " I find a man on the rail and the incident happened" . "Why don't you roll over the man and avoid the big tragedy"? asked the committee. Banta said "I too had the plan to kill him but at the last moment he gave up his decision and moved away from the rail and to kill him I too divert my path from the rail".
 

Famous under creek/sea tunnel

Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were
invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world.
Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels at the cost of one."

Double-decker bus

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

Balwinder .. Balls to you

Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."

Application form

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

LOGIC

Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a
heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail:
Saala HOMO!!!

Brand New - Red Ferarri. 

Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri. 
Banta: Wow Santa, What a car! Where did you get it from ?
Santa: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this car and asked me - "want a ride Mr. Singh ?"
I hopped in, and
she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "What did you do Santa?"
Santa: I took the car.
Banta: good show - you wouldn't have fit into her  clothes!..

IQ

Sardar Garbachan singh went to Newyork to attend a course to improve his IQ. After completing the course on the way back to airport by a taxi he began to think about his intellectuality and decided to test the IQ. He asked the driver of the cab to ask one question. Driver said " My father has three children one a business man doing his business in Florida, one an artist doing his thesis in MIT and who is the third one? Sardar worked for an hour to find the solution but could not. Finally he accept defeat. The driver said "it is me the taxi driver". After getting India Sardar has give a glorious welcome by some groups of Sardars. In the function our Garbachen is told to ask a question. Garbachen said "my father has three children one, who working at Delhi as an engineer another one a postman working at Jalandher and who is the third one. After hours of thinking non of those Sardar could answered. Finally Garbachen said "he is the taxi driver at Newyork."

Thesis

Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cut one of its leg. Then he said "WALK". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "WALK" . The cockroach manages to moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "WALK". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "WALK". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is jubilant, "NOW" says Banta "MY THESIS IS READY" and proceeds to write it. "WHEN YOU CUT FOUR LEGS OF A COCKROACH IT BECOMES DEAF"

 


Two surdars go for fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to shore. 
The first surdar
says:  "I hope u remember the spot where we caught all those fish." 
The other
answers: "Yes, I made 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot." 
"
You idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will get the same boat tomorrow." 


This sardarji goes to the theatre to see Jurassic  Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat and when his friend asks him:
"Kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?). 
Sardarji
replies: "Aadmihoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata. "( I am an intelligent(?) man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?) 


A sardar working in a factory meets with an accident. 
His friend visits him and
says: "Thank God, you have damaged your left hand. If you had damaged your right one you would not be able to work."
To which the sardarji
replies: "You should be thanking me. My right hand got stuck in the machine. I quickly removed it and pushed in my left hand." 


There was a Sardarji that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. 
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
told him: "I've kidnapped you."
The Sardarji then wrote a note
saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs 100,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground". 
Signed, "
A Sardarji". 
The Sardarji then
pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree
The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the
Rs100,000 with a note saying: "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?" 


Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else.
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
  Pupil : The moon.
  Teacher : Why?
  Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but  the sun Gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.


 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people  are no longer interested?
 Pupil : A teacher.


My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called    

current affairs.


Pupil : Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?
Teacher: Really.
Who is it?
Pupil :
Pardon.


Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
Performance, repeated.

 


Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped

him, what virtue would I be showing?

Student :
Brotherly love.


Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers befor eating?
Sam :
No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

 


 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One
hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.


Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste
and put it back into
the tube again."

 


 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
 one Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
  sametime."


Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted
doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ? "
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."


This Sardarji goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor
says: "OK. Touch your elbow."
The Sardarji touches his elbow and
winces in genuine pain. 
The doctor, surprised,
says: "Touch your head.
The Sardarji touches his head and
jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the Sardar touches it hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and tells the Sardar to come back in two days. 
Two days
later the Sardar comes back and the doctor Sardarji says: "We've found your problem."
"Oh
yeah? What is it?" 
"You've
broken your finger!!!"


You are my TVS SCOOTY ! IT Shaayari